ah facebook...

So, Facebook. My cousin told me about it... and now I'm stuck... suckered... pulled in to this thing... I'm addicted. HA, well two things... first, I posted this blog site.

Dilemma: Do I really want people that I knew when I was 5, to know about all my crazy antics... then they'll find me out.. not that spending 2 minutes with me wouldn't solve that.. but ya, i debated it.. and posted it anyways.

So for all of you that are looking at this blog.. that I have known in my youth... be prepared!
This blog got started cause every time I hung out with my friends I always had a new story to tell them about guys.. they could never keep them all straight.. but at least they would laugh at my animated story telling. As a result one of them suggested I start a blog because of how funny my life can get.... so, that's where it started... hope you enjoy!



so the other dilemma of facebook... there's this thing that says: how do you know this person.. and there's a place for "we hooked up" so, well, isn't that a little ridiculous... I could check mark the guys that I know that I've fooled around with.. and so everyone else could know. a little crazy even for me... but I laughed.. cause there are a couple of guys that it certainly would be funny to put that that's how I know them!

anyways, I think I'm going to go home for Xmas... stoked.. and nothing else exciting... ciao

adopt-a-boyfriend

So, i hae this friend... great friend, we've known each other since elementary school. In high school he came out and well we are from a really small town.. so being gay is not the easiest thing to admit to... I was the first person.. and the only person for a long time that he told.... and i feel so special to be that person... so... anyways, we've been through alot...

But, with life we drifted apart keeping updated and stuff... SO.. that brings us to yesterday. He invited me over.. I cooked dinner.. and he gave me a birthday present... he bought me CHANEL number 5 perfume... now here's the thing.. I love girly things but no one but my mom and my best friend have ever bought me perfume... so.. I was soooooooooo excited... I felt all girly...

then, to top the night off he bought me a cake-for-two and put a candle in it... so sweet... Gay men are the BEST adopt-a-boyfriends EVER!

have I got a story to tell you!

Alright... so the past 24 hours have been so eventful in my life I almost think that it's the craziest day yet... and well potentially the craziest post yet... To all those who don't know me, my life is always dramatic.. there's always shit going on... and well when there isn't I know it's going to happen soon...


I don't even know where to start. Maybe at the beginning.

So a really good friend came to visit yesterday we had a great day, I had a little extra cash from my birthday so we went shopping the first time I had been retail shopping and not window shopping in FOREVER. I bought these really hot and comfy jeans at the Gap, plus a couple other things... went for lunch...did the sex in the city thing and drank some cosmos sitting in the window of this restaurant, checking out guys with my friends.

We had a great day, and then rented a couple of movies and went back t my place for a girls night with wine and movies and cigarettes... lots and lots of cigarettes... first thing, the HUGE bottle of Zinfandel that we bought to drink if we ran out of our other wine fell out of the fridge, and smashed.... FUCK ASS... hehehe using the sheet that my friend .. had previously spilled red wine on and ruined.. we sopped it all up and then got cleaner to clean it... I now have the cleanest floor ever.. but isn't that how everyone cleans their kitchen?

we watched a movie, got drunk... chatted, had a great conversation in fact about religion and what we believe... blah blah blah..

realized that I am the worse arguer in the world cause there's nothing I believe full heartedly that I would lay my life down to prove a point... I think that's what's wrong with people, they get an opinion and then changing that is like taking their arm away or something... what's the point? information always changes... you just ahve to be ready to hear it:P ANYWAYS...

so this friend is dating this guy... and he's not the greatest to her... well in my opinion... I don't know him much, but I do know when you start dating someone they should do no wrong in your eyes... cloud nine as they say.. the first few months should be like you are permanently drunk the things that bother you shouldn't show up for atleast a few months when the things you once found endearing piss you off entirely:P well that's not the case so far... anyways, her upset, we decide to go out.... we join a 'mutual friend of mine'... well lets be honest the guy I was fucking for the past .. how long, I don't know... but we've gotten more to the friends stage of life... and fuck only on occasion... I ended up taking them to this bar that was full of university kids... God I felt old... the place reminded me of the place I used to hang out at in Guelph in first year....

ANYWAYS... had a great night...
end of the night.. got a guys phone number... and walked out of the bar to find... GUESS....

the best friend and the fuck friend kissing.. HA.... it gets better... so needless to say. awkward.... got into the cab.. tried to make light of it... "I'm going home and drinking lots of wine and smoking lots of weed... this is weird"

by the way have I mentioned I'm the nicest... maybe stupidest person in the world...

SO, we are back to the code.(refer to previous post)

Don't fuck your friends fucks... not that they are fucking.. but seriously...

So... I try to make a joke... but still get really upset... I am also retardedly drunk...

To hear... "Well... I really like her" from the guy... are you kidding me? it's not just a drunken "I'm horny" moment... this is actually something???

Oh so now I'm pissed... long story I try to be understanding.. fuck I don't care... but lets be honest.. I'm worried about giving up my monthly fuck.. hahaha

they both wanted to leave.. i figured if they left we wouldn't talk again so thought we should just talk it out... no use... I asked them to leave.

So.... THERE'S MORE...



WELL... it's been raining here for days... I get home to find my rug absolutely drenched in water.... like you know when you look at a bog it looks somwhat dry and then you step on it and your feet gets completely soaked... same thing... the water has come up THROUGH THE FUCKING FLOOR.... told you my life isn't boring...

so my very hung over self... realizes that it's Friday and I have to deal with this immediately.. no sleep for me!

So well... ended up at the Landlord and Tenant Tribunal... there for 2 hours.. just to get forms to fill out to make my landlord fix the problem.... and he has yet to call me back on where the fuck I'm supposed to stay tonight...


so that was my 24 hours...
so tired...

best birthday ever

well I won't bore you with the details other than for the first time on my birthday I hung out with the girls, had the time of my life and never once worried about guys, a boyfriend, getting laid or anything else like that... my girls had me all to themselves and we had a blast. The bartender bought me a couple of drinks... which ended up me giving him a retardedly big tip... now boys not like that...

BEST PRESENT EVER:

my two best friends: one of them and her boyfriend got me a DVD player
the other... no wait for it.... THE SPECIAL EDITION BOONDOCK SAINTS!!!

ok how fucking cool is that? I don't know about you, but I didn't know they even had a special edition and I have always been so dissapointed with the original dvd cause there are no special features on it.

besides that... my ex stole my original copy, so I have been boondock saint less.... I don't think I will ever get over that... ironic eh? I can get over just about everything.. but taking my sex in the city, the sweetest thing and my boondock saints movies... you suck bum!

back to the birthday... one of my friends got so drunk she got kicked out.. hilarious.... and we finished off the night with me buying the girls blowjob shots... the bartender made them the "right" way, with the shot on top of a turned over glass, with whipped cream lined from bottom to top... bottoms up ladies:P

very very hot...

the girls and I came back to my place, smoked some cigarettes... I kicked one of my friends out so she could go get laid... and well that's it... stayed up super late.. listening to an absolutely amazing CD that one of m friends made mewith all our songs from university... and ya, I think that's it.

and if you haen't seen the boondock saints.... RENT it RIGHT NOW

A new pet peeve

Ok, ladies and gentlemen. My newest pet peeve....People who read my blog, don't like and then feel it necessary to write me an e-mail telling me that it sucks... what's wrong with you?? seriously I know that there are people out there that may ot like my blog, my life, the way I write, and probably they are just jealous that I have sex way more than them. But, please spare me... if you don't like it.. MOVE ON. I like writing it, my friends like reading it, and really the only reason I do it is cause I like to make people laugh.. and well maybe some people can relate to me in some capacity that makes tehir life seem normal when they think its not.

More than anything it bothers me that these people have nothing better to do with their lives than be obnoxious.

that's my piece....

PS.

I got my birthday sex.. best sex I ever had. Best birthday present too ;)

some times men can redeem themselves... too bad we aren't always compatible!

seriously.. 24... not the greatest

So I turned 24 yesterday.. well I guess two days ago.. considering I usually write these blogs at 2am, and yes, its 2am again.

So I turned 24 on Monday... I never got laid, I never got drunk... I didn't get any presents.... it sucked... my aunt and I hung out... which was nice... but what is wrong with men? I stayed at a friends house on Sunday night hoping that i'd get a little booty when I woke up in the morning... or at least that night.. and nothing! what is wrong with him? I swear he is the most confusing man ever... we had sex all summer, and now... when I want it.. nothing.... pisses me off.

i'm having a party this weekend, which hopefully will prove more promising.

So what else is new? The ex called this past weekend... the worst thing an ex can do is call the girl after a long time... she's trying so damn hard to hate your guts.. and you go up and call.. STAY AWAY... she wants to talk to you... BUT SHE SHOULDN'T and it's not FAIR!!!

It just makes her confused and well annoyed that she WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU... but can't or she has officially lost all control!

so ya, boys STAY away from the ex-girlfriend... Especially if she's super nice and won't tell you to fuck yourself....

I know, I know I said I wouldn't put up with crap.... but its me.. and I'm too nice.. plus it was one of those days where I REALLY HATED being single.... so that didn't help either.

What else?? my plumbing.... hahaha my plumbing fucked up again... my landlords never fixed it since the last time....so officially that put getting some, a little on hold too!... cause I don't know about you, but I don't want some hot steamy night ending it.. "hey, baby? the toilet won't flush" ya that's hot! I should sue my landlords based on the fact that they have destroyed my sexcapades for a few days.

about my singlehood

i'm sorta getting sick and tired of the lack of men in my life. I get laid.. but sometimes its the most boring thing ever.. what happened with a guy grabbing a girl, ripping her clothes off, kissing every nook and cranny of her, having crazy passionate sex, doing it ALL NIGHT... and well having fun???

men are annoying, most of the time they are soo scared of getting off and giving the girl the worng impression... they suck... and they aren't very passionate.

So ya, I'm rambling again... but when do I not?


hope you enjoyed my rant.

A

best conversation ever

Him: "what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a condom tester for rough rider..."
Me: "what do you do?"
him: "I'm a psychological gynocologist"
Me: "Oh so you talk to women's pussies and make them feel better?"
him: "no they talk to me and make ME feel better"

seriously... we were both in stitches....

Internet Dating

so ya, I guess I'm feeling inspired today cause I have something else to go on about.... Internet Dating...

So, I know those that frown, those that belittle, those that are neutral and those that enjoy... and now, for your reading pleasure I will tell you my own take on internet dating...

YES I have done it... and yes I do enjoy it. I am actually a Plentyoffish.com kinda girl.. but that's cause I'm CHEAP... well you know what I mean... I'm not cheap if I have money... but cause I don't especially not to meet guys... POF is where its at...

Now, being a free-dating-site-kinda-gal you have more than your fair share of weirdos... but as far as I can tell.. no more than lavalife or campuskiss or any of those other dating sites... plus, at least this way you don't spend your hard earned cash talking to losers right???

So, yes although sometimes I wonder if I have stooped to an all time low with the internet dating thing, I feel as though there is no difference between finding/meeting someone in person and meeting them on line...


THE DEBATE:

now much of the debate comes from the fact that it is easier for people to lie... to not be who they claim to be.. to put up different pictures... TRUE, but seriously, do you honestly think that people who do this wouldn't do it to your face too? I mean if you met them on the street, or even in church group or something.. anything.. do you not think that maybe they would lie about somethings... so what you get to see their face... so the pic isn't a fake...but can you honestly claim that its safer to meet someone at one of those 30 second dating things... (that I know nothing about)???

there are a few things though about internet dating that are challenges...

1. its easier to really like someone... and then be disappointed when you meet them and there's no chemistry.
2. Its easier to be TOO honest about your life with a complete stranger... hahaha that's a funny one considering I tell complete strangers about my life on here:P
3. Indeed there is perhaps more inclination to lie if you don't meet the person.

HENCE... don't get too close to someone before you meet them... cause there is nothing more awkward than talking to someone about dating them, only to meet them and not think they are attractive...

Oh my biggest pet peeve with internet dating.. when people are offended that you don't write back if you don't think they are attractive... COME ON ladies and gentleman... I don't know about you.. but you do know about me.. and sex is VERY VERY IMPORTANT.. SO.... if I see your picture and I think there is no way in hell that I am going to sleep with you... that's it... there's no room for debate... SORRY!!!

so ya... i think I've said what I want to say about that!

the expensive side of being single

Last night... on my way out to the bar I had a great idea to write a rant about how expensive it is to be single... so here it is...

I don't know about any of you, but I remember living in a one bedroom apartment, beautiful, with all my things, a backyard, trees, in a great neighborhood... the internet.. the fastest you could get... cable TV and all the channels you could want...a car... driving anywhere...food in the refrigerator...and even special meals...a bottle of wine around...

going out for dinner a couple of days a week...

WHEN I WAS IN A COUPLE...

all of these things were possible cause we split it right down the middle... it was like you were living on your own...cause you can still walk around nekkid... get up when you wanted to.. not worry about anyone knowing your business....cause the person you were living with was all of your business...etc.

Now that I am single I find that the economy laughs at my singlehood... if you want to live on your own, the rent is ALL yours, the CABLE is all yours, the PHONE, the FOOD, the CAR, the GAS, the MOVIES the EVERYTHING...

its as though the world is saying... hahaha you are single and we are going to fuck you over until you find someone new to live with!

the generation above us wonders why so many youth are moving in with their partners so soon after they get together...well if you couldn't find a decent one bedroom for under a thousand dollars in the city... and your boyfriend/girlfriend was spending every waking minute at your place, what would you do???

Now the food... I don't know about you, but I have found that feeding one more mouth (the going from one to two people) costs pennies, but when you have to buy EVERYTHING on your own... you stick to Kraft dinner, eggs, bread and Tuna... anything that's quick, easy and cheap.

SO... for me, I have a bachelor apartment with NO internet, NO cable NO CAR, and very little in the way of food....

tangent: I just invested in 20$ bunny ears for the TV... I went to the Canadian Tire and the guy didn't know what I was talking about.... clearly I am regressing terribly as I grow older... cause NO ONE uses an antenna anymore... so... now that i have some for m of entertainment I'm not sooo bored at home.. the best thing though??? CBC and CTV have the comments for blind people.... hahaha, so I don't even get normal stations.. cause they don't broadcast them via antenna anymore.... you gotta love that!!!(a little embarrassing, but funny none-the-less)

back to the expensive part of life... so ya, I'm living this sort of nomad existence, ... then to top it all off, everything that one uses to get out of being single... the internet, bars, singles nights.... etc ALL COST MONEY... so then what???

I swear no wonder people get married or stay in school forever... cause its too damn expensive to be single!!!

ya there you go....

When you got one no one cares...

So, this blog is about the trials of my life.. and right now that means in the big city known to all as Toronto.

Well... since moving here six months ago I have endured my share of bad apartments, bad money, bad jobs, bad men and bad luck in general.

What bothers me the most is that I have found when I didn't have a degree everyone cared.. and now that I do, no one cares. I have been working in the service industry for the past three years.. and have continued this trend in Toronto. Although most people stay in it cause they make serious cash.. I have cause I haven't been able to find anything else.. how retarded is that???

Anyone else just out of university experiencing this frustration?

as for the apartments... well I've moved 3 times in the past six months and I'm on to my fourth, without parents that want to fork up a considerable amount of money for first and last months rent... or for anything for that matter, I find myself jumping from one sublet to the next.... hoping to find something permanent... doesn't help that my bubbly personality got my ass fired at the end of the summer:P Stupid cliques... but that's a whole other topic...

So my new place... quaint... small, downtown... perfect for the nightlife... but the nightlife requires some sort of monetary amount to sustain.. and although I've had my share... going out is so expensive that sometimes I find myself bored at home.. alone....

the apartment is freezing, the landlords promised they'd put a window in and haven't.. the breaker goes if you have 1 thing plugged in plus one element on the stove turned on... and oh wait.. here it comes... there's a massage parlor upstairs which makes for very interesting nights... such as the one where I come out of my apartment at 2am to find a older gentleman(which I'm sure he would prefer to be called) wondering if Ï was open for business" ha... I should...Make a little extra cash on the side...

anyways..There'ss plumbing problems and I have no internet or cable cause I don't have the money to put the deposit down....

IS this really how other people live???

so ya... I've been trying to find another job.... but it seems I either over qualified or under qualified.. and that, ladies and gentleman is a joke!

there's my rant for today.

Epiphany

So, just to change it up a little... and not write about sex.. cause well there is a little more to me than that.. SURPRISE!

Anyways, my two best friends came home this weekend (they are both living out west). We had a good chat, spent some time together etc. I also had a good time with my family, and my other best friend... so anyways, in the midst of all of this and talking about things I had an epiphany. Essentially a quote I saw at the beginning of the weekend sums it up.

"Life is not about finding oneself, its about creating oneself."

I realized I've been spending way too much time being sad that the life I had is over.

SOOOOO... here's what happened... realized that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to stop being so fucking nice to the people in my life that treat me like crap... and take me for granted (the ex). 2. I don't need stability I need to be happy, so I'm thinking about moving out west and working at a ski resort for the winter... that way I'm in the mountains... and there are alot of hotties there.. so lots of stories:P

And... well... i need to move forward and create myself.

so... I'm feeling pretty damn great about myself right now.

Intuition

So.... My Tuesday night... let me tell you.

All summer, off and on I have been going to this drum and Base night that my friends hold. Getting back into the scene, its pretty quiet, but 3$ drinks and listening to good music can never go wrong. So three weeks ago I saw this guy checking me out... pretty good looking and well I'll be honest I had seen him a few times over the summer and had thought the same thing.

Well he sorta asked to be introduced to me three weeks ago, and noticing his interest I sorta took it into my own hands to make the evening happen.

By the end of the night... to make a long story short I ended up at his house... had amazing sex all night long and then left in the morning.

Now this guy was super nice, super great and a super great lay. I left him my phone number, but figured he wouldn't call and that was cool with me.

So... the next week I end up back at my regular place.. and he's there... again I was bold and asked if we were planing on hanging out again later on... he was, I was.. so it happened. Not as hot as the first night... but deffinately no regrets.

SO... this leads me to last night. I wanted to get laid sooooo badly. So.I went to the club and chilled with the boys... I just figured that what had happened for the past two weeks would happen again.

So I got there and dude was there... we laughed we chilled, pretty low key flirting cause we didn't want anyone else to know... and then I got this weird thought... the night is not going to happen...he's back with his girlfriend.....

not that he said or did ANYTHING that would make me think that anything was different. I asked if we were getting together later and he said he didn't think so.

I asked why
he said cause he had to wake up early... well we all know this is BULLSHIT, I mean come on, if you want to get laid... you'll stay up ALL night.

So I told him to be straight with me.

Turns out what I had been thinking was true, him and his ex had gotten back together. It was the creepiest feeling ever...

My intuition freaks me out.

But besides that... how is it that I find this guy to have great sex with.. and would do it ALL the time, if possible, and three weeks after we meet he can't anymore... it sucks ass

date the bad lays, and the good lays get away :(

Anyways, that's my piece this week.
needless to say I went home, horny, drunk and all by myself... i don't know if I like this city anymore.

the 24 year old tantrum!

So... I met this guy, super nice had a lot in common... and he took me out on a date... a REAL LIVE DATE with wine and everything... we had a great time... and then at the end of the night we sat outside my place and chatted... the more we chatted the more restless he got... he placed his hand on my leg... and slowly the hand drifted up my skirt.

Now... I don't know about anyone else REALLY, but isn't there some fucking unspoken rule that says you should kiss a girl before you try to fuck her??? This is what I don't get... anyways, needless to say I pushed his hand away... made a joke.. and then finally said."fuck aren't you going to kiss me first or something?"

Now I didn't want to sleep with this guy...
you may ask why...

I liked him...

Thats the thing with me.. usually, if I meet a guy and like him...I won't sleep with him right away cause we all know where those relationships end:P they start at sex and end at sex and never go anywhere else:P

So... to make a long story short he essentially wanted to fuck me... in his car... or at least oral something or other and I wasn't up for it.... he proceeded to act like a broken child who didn't get his way... almost trying to reverse psych me into doing this...

I'm too fucking thoughtful, so while I'm saying no I am apologizing.. what's up with that???

Anyways his "well I can't be around you cause you are turning me on too much" was short lived on me... and we parted ways with him sulking in the car...

Nice fucking car though... but fuck, if you want to fuck me... be a man.. I need a man... not some fucking spoiled child.

The dilemma

So, the problem with having a blog that you divulge details about your life... and your sex life in particular is that it tends to conflict with the interests of the men you sleep with... or anyone in your life for that matter that could possibly be offended by the details of a sexual encounter with them....so needless to say I have been facing a serious dilemma over the past few months, considering I have some great stories... but then should I say them for risk of offending some people??

for instance.. the dilemma of sleeping with one of your best friend's brother's???

so ya... I've been getting laid, but how to divulge such information without offending anyone is awkward....

The crazies...

So. I've been a little stale lately... stagnant in the water... no new guys, no new sex, old sex is getting a little monotonous... but I'm not on the prowl like usual. no clue why. HOWEVER as far as I'm concerned... FUCKED.

but.. this may also be a reason why my interest in men has soured.

the tale of the crazy internet man.

so i met this guy online a couple of weeks ago. Seemed like a cool guy. We talked one night... his interest in God  of bothered me.. but hey we all have our own beliefs... had a good conversation... boy seemed like he was intelligent and was definitely a potential.

So.. I realized that I have essentially been wasting my summer away and haven't done anything really "summery" so... we plan on meeting on a Monday afternoon for a walk on the beach.

First problem. Boy calls me in the morning to tell me that he is going for his 2 hour long rollerblade in the beaches. 2 hours... do you know how crazy that is? Anyways.... we had planned lunch..but hey, a late lunch could be nice.

Then I start getting reluctant to meet him.. from late lunch what? to me thinking about how sweaty and smelly this guy is going to be on our first date.. not my ideal. Anyways at one point he calls.. and very nicely I convince him that hes tired and that we should maybe hook up some other time.

Next day calls like two times. I don't answer.. sort of feeling a little bothered by this guy.. but hey whatever...

on Wednesday I was online again and saw the letter he wrote, thought he was cool, so write him again apologize for avoiding his calls... then the crazys set in. Over the course of the past 2 weeks this guy has called me just about everyday. And I would say between 2 and three times a day, on avg. We have gone through him apologizing, to him calling me a bitch...

after the first non-encounter he called like 3 times all upset saying he had ruined it... he even text messaged me at one point and told me that he had met a girl and that we should stop talking. "fine... do I look like I care?" and then

So, it finally ended on Sunday in the morning when I came online and told him to stop calling me. I had worked 20 hours ina 36 hour period and I was unavailable. He proceeded to say "fine go on keep avoiding me..." are you shitting me? all I have done to this guy for 2 weeks is give him chance after chance to prove to me he's not crazy and there he goes again!

I told him to fuck off... that I wanted nothing to do with him. I told him that the whole thing was ridiculous cosidering we had never met... that I didn't need all this DRAMA.

CRAZY MAN!

so ya... noticed that I hadn't posted this... too bad... well think I will now

Another one to add to the code

GIRLS:

don't fuck anyone that your friend is fucking... its bad manners... it doesn't matter if they are or not dating.. you know that's off limits.... there are plenty men... go find your own!

BOYS:

same thing with you... don't fuck your friend's fucks... there are plenty of girls out there.. let them have their glory and pride in fucking that one girl you haven't!!!

why is this code so fucking hard to grasp???

The code

so I was having a discussion today with a couple of the boys at work... and we were talking about "the code" you know the unwritten rules that must be abided by when it comes to sex.. and as a result I figured I mine as well write down an amalgamations of rules that we all somewhat live by... again just for my own amusement.. and hopefully yours.

what got this started was the rule that you can't sleep with your friend's ex, but you can sleep with your exs friends:P

now this has been debated.. some of the guys say that it depends on who did the breaking up, if the friend has moved on yet and how long they were together and have been broken up.

I say fuck that... you cannot sleep with your friend's ex. WITHOUT EXPECTING some sort of REPERCUSSION. Now... although I have not done this.. YET :P I know a couple of guys who have completely ruined friendships over breaking this rule.... like I said, its not like it doesn't happen.. just there are usually consequences...

its funny though how easy it is to sleep with your ex's friends... i mean the guys you know.. and love... and get along with... hey why not right?? and I guess the same goes for guys and their girlfriend's friends.

alright so that's the first....the rest are rules, codes, thoughts, whatever.. you know me...


2. if I'm close and you came... get down bitch:P
3. socks and nakedness.... NO WAY
4. you better kiss me after I go down on you.
5. and you better be able to reciprocate....
6. if you expect me to shave... don't you think I want the same?
7. if you are not horny, get drunk....
8. its not easier for girls to get laid... trust me...
9. size does matter... too big or too small, sorry boys:P
10. I cannot go down on a guy before he kisses me....
11. one night stands - no matter how much you say you don't care... you always care a little...

12. you feel like a million dollars when you fuck the hot ones:P
13. kiss during sex....it's hot


alright that's all I got right now... I would, however like to add to this list.. so if you have any ideas just post a comment on here and I'll post your thought!! if you want me to quote you with your name just let me know... you may become infamous:P

I'm out

My biggest pet peeve!

Guys who won't kiss girls after they go down on them. First of all, this is just bad manners, I mean if she's going to suck your cock.. have the decency to thank her for it by kissing her....

PLUS... what are you so scared of? we have to do it... I love giving head... but the whole cumming thing.. not something I would choose to have in my mouth for any other reason than it turns him on and that's hot.

There is nothing more hot for a girl.. well there are prudes out there.. so at least for this girl.. then a guy kissing me after I go down on him.

I would actually give up giving head if it meant that I wouldn't get kisses.

So for those of you that do not kiss after a girl goes down on you.. what is the time limit til whatever you are scared of goes away?

and if you go down on a girl would you want her to kiss you after?
what if she didn't want to?

that's all I got right now.

Room mates and sex...

So to trump the somewhat serious nature of my other blog today I figured I should write something that has been plaguing my mind lately.... room mates and sex/one night stands.. if you are a woman and have ever had a one night stand with a guy who has room mates you know that the second you walk into their room the music or television goes on... well if you are dating someone for that matter and are going to have sex with them.. same thing happens..

Anyways, this music/noise is a signal to all others in the house that this room is occupied... BUT.. this is also a sign of respect for the boys... it ensures that the other guys in the house do not have to listen to the screaming/laughing screetching of baseboard... etc.. all noises that accompany a good romp in the hay... this is not a sign of disrespect... but of respect...

SO... let us talk about girls.. now I am not talking about all girls... but this small action, that for guys seems to be well understood is something that has gone either unnoticed, unrecognized or ignored by most female roommates. First of all... most girls will not turn on music the second the guy walks into their room... especially at 3am... now if you know the guy then maybe.. well and if you know anything about guys.. then maybe... but for the most part girls are more concerned with pissing off their room mates than having them hear their sex antics all night... WHy is that??? Female room mates don't get the point the way male room mates do... they knock, call the cell or bang on the wall, door or floor to "TURN DOWN THE MUSIC!"

I know this is totally irrelevant, but it is something that I have both noticed and have been aggravated by... Why don't girls have this understanding set in stone? Is it cause most girls do not have the PRIVELEDGE of having one night stands as much?

(you love that I just said priveledge don't you??? hehehe, well I am TRYING to change the idea that one night stands are evil.. so long as its consentual and protected)

Either way, I think this taboo music thing has got to stop... cause I don't know about you... but I prefer to have the music blaring when I have sex... so I can be as loud as I want...:) hahahaha (especially at 3am...and well its also my little way of rubbing in the fact that I am getting laid and YOU ARE NOT)

what do you think????

a new woman

I think its interesting... since I found out that my ex cheated on me... far more than my worst dreams could ever have imagined... I have been relatively ok. I say relatively cause I do have my minor upsets... and moments of pure "how could he do this to me?" and "how could I be so blind" ... but all in all I've been in pretty good spirits.

I've been saying to my friends "I think that I am still in shock" to explain my relatively calm nature... but it occurred to me today... while eating sushi at a local restaurant ALONE... that maybe it isn't that I am in shock, but that I am a different woman than before.

When we first broke up I was upset driving away but a sense of relief came over me... I was free! I immediately did the "me" thing as my friends would contest to.. which is seeking out sex. No attachment sex..... which I did... a 4 hour extremely fun romp in the front seat of my car with a guy I've known for years but have never been friends with. An exciting adventure that left me a little disappointed that I knew nothing would materialize with this seemingly great person... who needless to say was a great lay!but... still free...

the freedom of being able to sleep with anyone you want to is something that I think we take for granted.. this may sound wrong, but I think that the ability to choose when and where and with who to enjoy your sexuality is a freedom that many of us condemn... but when you are in a bad relationship with bad sex to top it off.. the freedom of finding someone to satisfy those needs is exciting!

especially considering I had gone atleast a year and a half without great sex... and longer is debatable.. but I'll give him a little credit that at the beginning of our relationship there must have been some reason why I stuck around ;)

So a week later I left for Africa... I also joke that no one could EVER compete with the fact that I went to Africa to get over my ex. I thought that doing what I love to do would make me completely forget about him... and satisfy my own needs... instead I fell completely back in love with him... well I fell in love with this amazing image of what I thought he was.... obviously skewed by the distance, the lack of sex.. and the disappointment that it didn't work out.. Despite my relief...

We talked on occasion.. always me instigating the conversation... but mostly we talked about having sex when I got home... I mean break up sex was always the most fun... and at this point I had gone 2 months without any.. so i figured his was pretty good considering!... well I won't get into too much detail but needless to say when I got home life came crashing down.. he wasn't the person I had remembered..

for records sake we haven't seen eachother since that day I drove away.... so for inquiring minds.. no the break up sex never did happen... and in retrospect THANK GOD.. (I am not religious.. but feel that it is quite fitting:P.. especially considering we are talking about sex)

But, 2 months without sex in Africa I went again back to the "me" thing and started going to bars or talking to guys on Lavalife to satisfy my needs... sex does wonders. I kept joking with my friends by saying that " I had taken a 2 and a half year hiatus just to go back to my same old antics"

But, despite my similar antics, my mood quickly changed and I wasn't going to bars anymore... this is maybe 2 weeks after I got home.. one reason may be the creepy guy who wigged out on me.. and then proceeded to call me at 4 am every Friday and Saturday night... drunk...common.. I know girls who get the point faster than this guy:P


So here I am almost 2 months since I got home... 4 months since we broke up finding out that not only was he a really bad bf, but a REALLY REALLY bad boyfriend and its not rocking me the way I thought it would... I said that I went back to the same old "me" than before my ex. But it has occurred to me that I am not.

I've been through so much since the last time I was single... and well maybe I should give myself a little more credit. I am a superfox mind you... lol

What's amazing is despite all this crap... I feel great about who I am in the world and why I am here. I truly believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason... and that things only happen to you when you can deal with them... a saying a replayed over and over in my mind when my mother died...

I also know that despite my shitty ass relationship.. i needed what ever it gave to me throughout the years that I was trying to cope with out my mother... and he gave me whatever that was... and that we wouldn't have broken up if it wasn't opposed to be that way.. and I wouldn't have found out about these other women if I wasn't ready to hear it...

But.. I am really proud of myself... I feel like a rock star today. What's crazy is when mom died I said that I went through it first.. so that when it happened to my friends I could be there for them... and I was able top.. although it was sooo difficult.. deal with out the relatedness that comes with having a friend have gone through the same experience... so here I am at the end of another rollercoaster ride... and none of my friends have ever been with a guy for this long.. lived with him.. only to find out that he was sleeping with other women...

I am officially a trooper. and I officially love this blog cause I can totally toot my own horn!

So there... a new woman, someone who has gone through the loss of her mother, the purging of a real home... devestating fights with her step father... a broken relationship... cheating... only to come out on the other side... with ironically more self esteem then ever before...

which I also give credit to a good friend I have who always tells me how great I am.. and how pretty:) Guys... do this for your girlfriends.. cause who knows, you may be the only person they hear it from.

Oh but the best thing is... I'm not letting this dictate whether I can date yet... so who knows... atleast I know that It HAS to be good sex.. or I'm OUT!!!

so ya.. i think that's it for right now.

The female version of a stud..

ok... so here's the question... why is it that there is a double standard between men and women when it comes to sex.. and promiscuity?

truly. When I was younger I thought that was long gone.. but as I grow up I realize that this is still incredibly prominent in our society... and its not just from guys.... to girls.. its form girls to girls....so what if a girl really loves sec? is that a bad thing? What if she is confident enough in her sexuality, in her abilities as a women and in her approach that she has sex whenever she wants to.... even if there is no boyfriend in the picture?

why can't she be a female stud??? why can't girls look at her and be proud of her taking her sexuality into her own hands and not limiting herself based on the men in or out of her life???

A guy I know said to me today... "I don't get why there is a double standard" "if a guy I know tells me that a girl is a slut and he wouldn't sleep with her, I ask him if he likes sex.... when he says yes... I say then why are you limiting YOURSELF??? you are being your own cock block."

its interesting eh? Especially our understanding of men and their sex drives... we just assume that they are fulfilling their carnal need... so why not women too? why can't women just be satisfying their carnal instincts???

I love sex. there is no need to explain why... its fantastic... well when it is ..it is... when its not.. it SUCKS! hahahaha

and well its hard to find a partner that is completely satisfying in the bedroom... so sometimes you have to test out the merchandise before you commit!!!

And is it sooo bad that I am saying that?
Atleast I am honest right???

I do not think a relationship can work if the sex i bad.... or non existent.... and when people talk about the key to relationships is communication... nothing is more true... but especially around sex. Partners should be willing to learn... experiment and listen.... only then will the relationship have a fighting chance....

NOW... I need to make a point of clarification... this blog is also coming from a 23 year old... so I am not attempting to speak on behalf of anyone, of any other age... and maybe when you are older relationships can work out despite a shitty sex life.. but right now.. I am here to say that nothing good will come from a relationship where the sex is bad....

and well we've also figured out that if he's a bad lay its probably cause he's giving all the good sex away:P




so that's my piece.

Cheaters cheaters:P

so maybe I should add a couple to the first list....

if you think he's cheating.. HE IS

if he can't say I love you... its probably cause he doesn't love himself.. and well he's probably cheating on you!


well its 3am... I just found out that my ex cheated on me constantly while we were going out.... surprise surprise!... .... I don't really know how to react... he wasn't ever that great a person to be around... never paid any compliments to me... and has never made an effort.... wow.. writing it makes it sooooo silly....

I have no idea why I stuck it out.... I really needed bs apparently!!

Boys: if you are reading this... one piece of advice... Don't EVER tell her.... no matter what..... she never needs to know! don't try to do the "right thing" its not the right thing to tell her!!!!

Its weird though... the first guy that cheated on me.. I was a wreck.... couldn't eat.. sleep or anything... but right now I want to almost laugh... what a retarded thing to find out.... I mean its so stupid....


I am however wondering if there are any guys that don't cheat:P

So you want to know what's really going on.... I don't care about this whole ex thing.. what's killing me is that I don't have my mother to call.... how crazy is that?.... I used to say that no matter what happened to me... it could never be worse than losing my mom.... well here's the exact situation.... it doesn't feel like that big a loss.... But its the lack of someone to calla t 3am who will tell you that you are fantastic..
shit happens...

its crazy though.... I knew... my friends REALLY din't like him... and I knew underneath all of it.... i knew.... but I had completely convinced myself that there was no way cause I knew where he was at all times!!! and I could call whenever.... funny what you hide from yourself.

So here's the deal.
I let him manipulate me.. and make me feel bad for questioning his loyalty.... and the results are in... I was right. surprise surprise.... me right? lol


Oh well.

maybe it is a good thing I know.... I suppose it just makes it easier to know why you aren't together....


Here's the thing about cheaters....

people cheat... that's what they do... women do it, men do it... and if they're partners find out.. its devastating... and ridiculous.... but at the same time.. why don't we expect this from our partners? We are human... and its very much in human nature.... the way I see it though is... if you are cheating.. and you still want to stay with the person you are are with... here's some ground rules:

don't tell them ever
always use a condom
make them feel like they are the Queen/King of the world at all times.... atleast they will fell like the shit....

now you should know this won't make them feel any better when they find out... but its better to think you were with someone cause he treated you like an angel as opposed to he never gave you the time of day and you tried to make it work..... then you just feel stupid!!!

give them that decent respect....

also don't be mean abou it... don't talk to girls on MSN when your girlfriend is around... don't make her question her own instincts

that's not fair.


GIRLS: believe yourself... and if he's not a good lay.... get rid of him.. whether he cheats on you or not.... its not worth it!!!!Make sure he also treats you the way he's supposed to... and nothing less.. EVER! ie. he has to reciprocate oral sex!!!!if you are going to do it.. he better be up for it!!

look at me... no matter what I am still thinking about sex!!!

TRULY A SCORPIO!

friendship Friday June 2, 2006

I find it interesting how life throws friends at you and you have to decide how or if they fit into your life. What bothers me more than anything is the fact that everyone tries to put friendhsips into little boxes... if the person messes up, or the frienship isn't a conventional one... its always questioned..

can you be friends with someone you've slept with?
can you be friends with an ex?
can you be friends with your best-friends partner? or does that run the risk of taking sides?
can you be friends with your parents?
can you be friends with your ex's friends??

I think that unconciously we always question our frienships.. sabotage them, take them for granted... so there's teh friends that no matter what you do, they know that you are a good person... and forgive you... then there's the friends that just get lost along the way...

I have a handful of really good friends... and I know I'm lucky for that.

23 years
23 years
12 years
20 years
12 years
 3 years
5 years
12 years

these are the people that would go out of their way for me, and I them... Coming up with that list I have so many other people I think that I would bend over backwards for.... but who have gotten lost along theway... and then there's the friends that you have. but don't know for how long....

Then there's the question of love. Who can you love? and when does it become confusing.... clearly.. it'll probably get more confusing with someone of the opposite sex if you are hetero that is! So, if you have a guy friend.... are you allowed to love him? are you allowed to fall in love with him? cause what does that mean exactly... that you love themfor everything they are right??? that you love spending time with them... that you would do anything for the...

but then... what's crossing the boundary? can you love someone yet remain just friends.. or does it cross into that confusing place where one person wants more.. and the other friend doesn't.. ruining theperfect friendhsip you once had.

How long is too early to love someone??? This is always a question that plagues me... with my last boyfriend I knew i loved him in the first 3 months... I decided to tell him around the 3 month mark cause I didn't want to wait and put pressure on him.... and he never ever said it... but that's a whole other story.... but really? when is too early.. or is there a too early? can you love a friend that you just made???

Because I just moved to the city I have made a couple of friends.... and these are deffinately people that I would do anything for.. right now.... but then if I love them am I running the risk of being used? or of expecting more from them then they are willing to give to someone they just met?

so, then if you do love someone... when can you tell them? I've always lived by the notion that people should know when they are loved. Nomatter how rediculous... or inconvenient.. that there isn't enough love in the world... and as a result you should say it as much as you can....

that's my mom talking:P


I believe that frienship and love is hard to come by, and as a result putting either into a box limits both even further. If you find someone who loves you... wants to spend time with you and affords you the privelege of good conversation then embrace it....

if you limit your friendhips you limit yourself. I may be a dreamer but I think you can be friends with someone you've slept with, your ex, your friends partner, your parents, your ex's friends....
Officially? My friendships are what gets me up in the morning.... and I love them..... I don't care how long I've known them for.... if they are in my life... they are clearly special people.... and they deserve my love.....


the 2am ramblings of yours trully....

the weird things that go on in my own head....

life lessons

the words I live by:

Enjoy the power and and beauty of your youth, oh never mind.... you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how FABULOUS YOU REALLY LOOKED.

YOU ARE NOT AS FAT AS YOU IMAGINE.

Do not worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algeabra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

SING

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with YOURS.

FLOSS

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind... the race is long.. and in the end its only with YOURSELF

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults...If you succeed in doing this. Tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.....STRETCH

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life, the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know...STILL DON'T

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees.. you'll miss them when they are gone.

MAYBE you'll marry
MAYBE you won't

MAYBE you'll have children
MAYBE you won't

MAYBE you'll divorce at 40
MAYBE you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berrate yourself either

YOUR CHOICES ARE HALF CHANCE....SO ARE EVERYBODY ELSE'S

Enjoy your bosy, use it everyway you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the GREATEST INSTRUMENT you will ever OWN!

DANCE...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room

Read the directions..even if you don't follow them

DO NOT READ BEAUTY MAGAZINES... they will only make you feel UGLY!



Get to know your parents.. you NEVER KNOW when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings...they're your best link to your past and people most likly to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle...for as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

.....

TRAVEL

Accept certain inalianable truths:

prices WILL rise
politicians WILL fallander
you TOO will get old..and when you do you will fantasize that when you were young:

Prices were reasonable
Politicians were noble
and children respected their elders

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS

DON'T EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO SUPPORT YOU
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse...
but you NEVER KNOW when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair...or by the time you are 40 it will look 85

Be careful who's advice you buy...but...be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it, is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth....

- Baz Lurhman



The lessons I've learned:

you are complicated, don't undermine your uniqueness

It's ok to keep a secret about yourself!

you don't have to take your pants off completely, if you are a girl, to pee!!

We are all in love with the IDEA of our partners..very few of us are in love with who they really are.

cellphones should be banned for all those who are intoxicated

sex is good...can be great..but sometimes its overrated

kissing in the rain really is as romantic as it looks

Good friends are special....make the effort

Sometimes your friends aren't as excited as you are about things in your life....its ok, they still love you.

Laughing is the greatest thing in the world to do

Mom's are the best thing a girl can have.... none of the bull shit will matter when she is gone. LOVE her..RESPECT her experience....

REMEMBER YOUR PARENTS WERE ONCE YOUNG TOO!

everyone deserves a chance

SKINNY DIPPING AT NIGHT IS WONDERFUL

Nothing beats the words...."thanks for being there when I needed you the most"....

There is nothing wrong with working as a waitress!

A glass of wine and a cigarette are so nice together....



Don't expect too much from people.. they have their own bull shit to deal with.....
If there is a problem, and you don't know what it is.. its probably not you.. stop harrassing!

MUSIC is essential ...

the greatest feeling ever is having someone run their hand through your hair...

if you have spots all over you.. and you don't know why.. check the mattress for bedbugs!!!

Its ok to miss him.

Its ok to cry

Don't blame people for too much....they do try...

Adopt-a-parent is a great plan.....if you don't have one or either of your parents...any parent can be adopted just ask!

You'll be surprised what you forget...write your memories down

Don't sell your love short..just cause he's a dick doesn't mean its bad that you love him....there isn't enough love in the world.

Don't be too nice when it comes to a break-up..don't get fucked over


Running sucks

Don't be afraid of TOUCH..skin to skin contact is so important....

KISS...KISS passionately

If your friends don't like him.....TRUST THEM

Jazz rocks...Dancing is essential don't be afraid!

Being a night person can only last so long..one day you too will be a senior citizen and will wake up at the crack of dawn!!!!

Its ok to sleep in and have a lazy day....on these days I wish Tim hortons would deliver!!!!


i love watching him sleep.

I love running my fingers over his skin....

I'm so lucky to be Canadian

When you don't have a degree..employers care...when YOU DO...they don't

Boondock saints is such a good movie!

sex and marijuana compliment eachother
ALMOST EVERYONE:

gets charlie horses in their legs....in the middle of the night
gets shivers

when they see the toilet...no matter how long they've waited to pee...almost pee their pants...

HAS SEX
MASTURBATES

smells on occasion

is insecure about something

ON MEN

Living with your partner..no matter how chaotic...is the most enjoyable experience....


You only fight with people you trust.


Men don't understand the question: "when we first met what did yo uthink of me?" If they answer truthfully, their answer will almost ALWAYS BE "I was thinking about what it would be like to have sex with you..." So ladies.. don't ask.. they don't know what to say.. and they will ALWAYS get it WRONG!

No matter how many years has passed the next time you are single you will wonder what your exes are doing!

Don't expect too much...you'll be dissapointed...let him surprise you...

Men and blow jobs just are...suck it up:P hehehehe

He may be cheating on you.... Do you really want to know? There's a bigger problem here

Have the nicest bums...

Don't sell yourself short...if you don't think he may be right for you....he probably isn't!!!

i love being in a relationship.. no matter how crazy it is....

Are the cause of some great friendships ending..... remember those people who are around no matter what? They want to see you too!

Men have their insecurities too...they might just be better at hiding them.....

he's never thinking about the same thing as you....

him not doing the dishes has nothing to do with you...he really just didn't feel like it...

sometimes he really does need to go out with the boys on his own....WITHOUT YOU ASKING WHY you can't come

your friends don't ALWAYS know what's best

are all different




ON TRAVELLING:

Make sure everything is somewhat planned....be independent...people you visit will always have a different expectation than you....

Cultural differences do exist.. but no matter where you are....the most common conversations revolve around sex, drugs and drinking.....

You can still be bored if you are on the other side of the world

You learn who your real friends are when you are away.. they are the friends that take a few minutes out of their week to write you.

Don't fall in love with the IDEA of your current or ex partner..... its really easy and you WILL regret it!!


...........................

I may be having a shitty day...but my life is amazing....

I love love....I will always love

Sometimes its better to just let it go....

KARMA TRULLY IS A BITCH.....

If you run into an old friend randomly, they are supposed to be in your life....make the effort

Don't be scared to ask the innapropriate question

If you are going through a breakup, love stories will only make you want him back....make you cry... but make you believe that love does still exist.....

people really do care about what celebrities are doing!!CRAZY!

Humans are amazing

I don't believe in structured religion...I don't understand it

I believe in something higher then me....I don't know why

I miss my mother...

I love my name...

there deffinately is a difference between fucking, having sex, and making love.......TRUST ME!

I'm a worrier..

Reunite with childhood friends..its amazing

I fantasize about stupid shit

I think about death alot....

I don't believe in hatred..you may just really really piss me off

I'm always worried about what people think of me.

I think I need to lose weight before I do group excercise activities like aerobics/dancing/yoga

I believe my mom may not have done the right thing....but respect her choice

Single parents should be honoured

University is a joke...but you still learn alot..especially about yourself

TRUST YOURSELF....you know more than you think.....

He is not smarter than you..he's just better at arguing

Live

Not very much changes in a year

Country music can be good

I love the smell of lilacs..so did mum

You will heal....but never forget...

Do what you need to do....


Don't be stingy with your love

There's something special about being kissed on the neck

Waxing hurts.... I don't care what other girls say...

Make peace with yourself... you're not going to get a better YOU....

let people believe what they need to....

the hardest thing is being with yourself....

When you are having a "skinny day" everyone still sees you the same as yesterday....



I'm soooo lucky..and I do have the best life....cause its ALL MINE!!!