January 9, 2008 - Eat Pray Love

So, considering I haven't written in forever I decided to journal - journal my thoughts and my revelations - not just the pain and suffering - and saw this journal half empty and it called to me to be used. Im in the process of reading a book called Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and every word she writes I find something about myself. Today I would like to start documenting my realizations

That I beat myself up constantly for who I am and what I do -as though I think I could be anyone else. That there's much to learn but I need to embrace and love everything about me, that I can become aware and responsible for what I say and do - but still follow with I love you and you are perfect.

That my not being out of love w CL is not the end of the world and to stop hating myself, but rather ask myself - is this right for you? Is this trully an expression of who you are - and that it will take time - and practice.

hat you have your own path abd on it you won't always find approval - but tha following your heart and your integriy will promote happiness - and ultimate respect.

You must follow your own heart. That you know that your forgiveness of CL and your love for him is ultimately loving yourself - but inside that letting him go is self-respect - and that above all else you must respect yourself.

That perhaps when you want a man or sex you shold ask yourself what this is REALLY about... and try to deal with it as opposed tostuffing it inside you - BUT - that when you choose that path to not hate yourself for doing it .

Only YOU know what you need.

You tell yourself this but never really embrace it. You will only find a man when you are doingwhat you love - and are up to something. SO LET GO and find someone - they will come - you are a light for someone - just TRUST in the devine. BUT be in action, allow yourself to be open  Love yourself

If ever you are in doubt. Be silent - andask your mm for guidance - she will show you the way. How lucky you are to have someone in that place .. so close to you - for she can help you with some of the questions.. just love and respect her - but ultimately - ask yourself - listen to GOD within and accept the answers he/she gives you.

He is your father - she is your mother.. they will telyou but moreor - you know because they reside within you. You are god - you are love. You are everything

Just ask yourself.. and when you do.. you will find theaswers.

TRUST YOURSELF.

AJ