June 22, 2008

Wow, writing that date made me realize that its 6 years since mom's wedding and its the summer solstice.
It's interesting that I would pick up this journal today, and that I would decide that I needed to write in the spirituality section.
This year has been eye opening and revealing for me with regards to my own spirituality. After countless 'coincidences' like finding M. in Korea, running into A, having my cell phone found from that bar owner - I cannot deny that there is something more than me at work. Call it Karma, or god, or mum. But I am unequivocally convinced that life works out for a purpose. I believe right now it is in order to eventually rise to a higher consciousness that life is a series of lessons, we must learn these lessons before we may move to the next realm and that death is just a way of restarting the stop watch of growth.

I forget what I believe sometimes and constantly have to remind myself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life - and that every time I experience something I don't like - with men, or experience - once I remember I tell myself that it is just as it should be.

It's hard though sometimes to be betrayed or have a man not call, or change his attitude towards me, and be okay with it. Because of course my pride is hurt.

But when I do remember it brings me to a place where I realize that without Resistance, without attachment to something different than what is, the suffering and sadness disappear.

I want to get a new tattoo that says "just breathe, just believe, just be"

As a result of my new found beliefs I have been being called more and more into Buddhism. In fact, I just remembered this weekend of my mom's friend that lives in Kyoto - that perhaps I'll do a retreat there -

thinking about being around people that know my mother through the Dharma brings this peace to me - and this safety. I don't know why - I think its also pride. That I'm finally understanding much of what I couldn't as a child.

I want to go on retreat, in fact I've been thinking about perhaps staying in a temple or ashram in India for a while next year - learning more about Tibetan Buddhism. But - what ever I do, that where I am today, on the day my mother got married in Stewart Park, and I gave her away.
A.

- I just reread what I wrote in Sept '06, I'm not living a small life anymore! That make me proud.

*****

I am so proud of myself - of who I am and what I've accomplished in this life. I've been thinking a lot of what I want to do when I' done here in Korea and I feel that I need to write down some of my ideas so as to not forget them - many of these are just things I really want to do at one point.

- work on a tall ship
- live an learn from Tibetan monks
- live in central/South America
- travel South East Asia
-teach in Italy, Thailand or Latin America

WHAT I HAVE DONE
- climber Mt. Fuji/ lived in Japan for 1 year
- climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower
- lived in a farm - milked cows
- Gone on Safari - seen wild Elephants/Giraffes
- jumped off the gorge in Vic Falls
-Driven a Motorbike in Thailand
- Rode an Elephant in Thailand
- taught English in S. Korea
- lied in Banff - walked the Athabasca Ice Field
-Gone down hill skiing
- Seen the sun set and rise New Years Eve 2000 in Osaka, Japan.
- worked for an NGO in Africa
- played with bubbles on a beach in Korea
- had sex in the back of a car
- catered parties
- survived my love cheating on me
-survived my mom dying
- learned how to cross stitch
-learned French/Japanese
- Lived in the beached in Toronto
- sat on a roof top and watched the starts (L.)
-gone skinny dipping
- Climbed to the top of Dreamer's Rock (Manitoulin Island)
- Canoed and Kayaked
- Learned how to ride a horse
- danced at the ROM
- gone to a leadership conference
-gotten my University degree
- Gradated high school as an Ontario Scholar
- Worked in the financial district
- Experienced an earth quake (Japan and Zim)
-seen the cemeteries in Normandy
- Seen the ------ tapestry
- walked across the quick sand at Mt. St. Michel.