He just said that he feels that what you think is working against you is working for you... I find that very true about J... that everytime I feel like he is hurting me.. that he doesn't understand me.. that I should cut and run... we somehow navigate our way through the pain.. talk.. and come out on the other side stronger than before. We have faced alot with eachother over the past year.. and I have had to face my deepest feelings about myself.. and in the end I have had to stand up for my choices, stand up for me, and through telling him that who I am is the product of my past.. I've had to say the same thing to myself.. and every step is bringing me closer to myself.... its the weirdest thing...
In the past year I have learned how to stand up for myself, that what I see and what I hear I can trust, that I can trust my feelings, and trust myself. That I believe in alternative health, even if I don't fully understand it, that the fact that I slept with so many men doesn't equate my worth.. that it was the result of what I was going through and it was my LIFE... I chose that life...
I believe when I am older.. it will all make sense. That all the components of my life will start matching up... they already are starting to. and that the things that I have chosen for myself, particularily promiscuous sex, staying with a man who didn't care for me the way I deserved, travelling the world, my mother's death, my upbringing, my lack of a father... all my schooling... all th choices i have made will somehow come together... so long as I keep listening to my heart.
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