love - its a good day :)

So.. today was a good day.... FINALLY!!!

I feel like I may have just come through the fire....

the biggest difference... last night I felt like I have to really come to terms with the fact that I love T. And I still believe in something between us... and I have to accept thats just how I feel... he holds the highest place in my heart... and there is nothing I can do or say anymore.. I just have to let life happen... and in the mean time... focus on me.

The more I go through this.. the more I realize that I wasn't ready to date him yet.. and I still am not... there are still things I have to ort out in my life.. and when the time is right.. honestly in my heart I believe its the real thing... I know that sounds stupid.. but its just how I feel... and I have to believe in my heart. I have to trust myself.....

I dreamt about him last night... the very first time... it was interesting... I don't remember the details..I just remember it was so nice to see his face. ... I don't have any pictures of him... so he exists only in my memory...

It was interesting because in my dream we never touched... never kissed... just were around eachother and stared at eachother. When I woke up I just wanted to go back to sleep... I wanted to spend more time with him... but he was gone...

I had a meeting with one of my faculty advisors today about a meeting I had had last week and she told me that I conducted myself quite well.. that its ok that I was emotional at times... that it showed that I am human and the situation bothered me.

It was lovely...

then I went for a walk down by the river with a friend.... and then for a sandwich at a local pub....

and then my step dad called!!!!

I can't even believe it!

best part of that? at the end of the conversation with a big smile I said "it's really nice to hear from you." and I could hear the smile in his voice and he said "you too." :)

then I went to yoga for the first time in a month.. since I busted up my ankle.

I feel like I'm even closer to being whole. Its incredible :)

Good day.

A