what I wrote when I was 20

here's what I wrote when I was 20:

If I died tomorrow will I have lived? Will I have done what I am supposed to on this Earth? Would I have any regrets?

I have done all I can in regards to Chad, to friends, to self healing. On the eve of this day I find myself contemplating my entire existance. Is there a place for me here? A 20 year old child wandering this Earth. So much has happened in the past 2 decades!.. Is there just as much to learn this time around? I wonder! Will the stars still hold their beauty? Will my eyes still continue to shine? Will my sympathy of human nature continue to exist? Will I still trust people? What friends will be there? Will I have been in love by then or will I be up to 100 men? Will people still smile? Will I still think of Chad on a weekly basis? Or will he be gone from my memory.. a long lost thought, an effort barely mentioned? Will my parents still be here to wish me Happy Birthday? Or will I have to remember their voice in the memories? Ryan will be 15. Life will be different.. more experienced. More pain, more happiness, more love, more betrayal. 10 years is a ways to go, but it happens so fast. 20 years old, the idea scares me. Do you really think happiness exists? Will I ever be happy? We'll see.

the answer is : yes.