I'm buying a car tomorrow. I'm so freaking excited!!!
you know excitement is a really interesting thing... I have always known that if you cut off the bad emotions you don't get to feel the good ones either.. and there have been a few monumental things in the past few years that I knew i should be really excited about.. but I wasn't... like going to Korea, or getting into school, or getting an 85% avg. !! Or getting a letter from my father after waiting for 29 years!... I couldn't feel the excitement... and now.. having tired up all my loose ends.. and burning through this karma... I feel excited again! about my own life! and looking back I can see that everytime I felt excited I felt guilty.. any time that I put myself first people around me criticized me. and brought me down.. so I was scared! and now I see I have these beautiful people around me that just want to support me and for me to be happy and when I am excited they can be too! It's trully an amazing feeling.. and to watch everything unfold so perfectly. I needed a car for this weekend... and it happpened! My Uncle found it.. My aunt agreed to lend me the money, the insurance company got everything in order.. the mechanic fixed it up in time... I just so happened to get tomorrow off.. I was supposed to be in school... just everything! Now my brother is going to pick me up at the train station and drive me to the dealership.. and I haven't seen him in maybe 5 years?
Then I'm going to meet of with J. I'm bringing him his golf clubs. Its so amazing.. I'm living like there are no rules. I amm just following my heart.. and I truly just adore him! I wanted to talk to him tonight so I picked up the phone and called... it was so nice to just chat... and not be worried about what he thought... we just chatted... and it was lovely. He agreed that he would go hide the geocache with me when he was up again, so I'm happy about that. Freedom!
Anyways.. I got to go to bed!
night!
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