You know I have this thing, everytime I write a posting i worry if I should have just, not written that one thing, or said that one thing... what if this entire blog comes back to haunt me, and then all i can think of is how its my life. I'm not ashamed, and I would rather people enjoy reading it because they can relate then pretend none of it happened.
I guess where I'm at right now is knowing that there is this side of me, and that some guys are enticed knowing that I am like this and some guys are very intimidated and put off by it. I think it comes right back to the judging thing. Guys can sleep with whomever they want to, and girls can't. If a guy was telling his buddies about this broad who was the worst head they had ever had it would just be shooting the shit, but if its a girl telling anyone about her experiences its dirty and wrong.
I go through fazes.. like most people, where sometimes I don't give a shit about finding a relationship because i get so discourraged and then my sexual frustration builds.. i take it into my own hands and make the decision that I don't have to wait for mr. right.. that mr. right-now will be an ok substitution.... But what I know about myself, is this usually always happens after I've gone on a few dates that I think have potential. Only to have the guys only want one thing... after that it takes a while to get back on track and be back in the mind space where I can fantasize that a nice guy will find his way into my life.
Its a rollercoaster of ups and downs.
I'm exhausted... I'll write more soon.
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