long time no write

well, its been a while... a little hiatus, time to reflect, reconsider whether I want the whole world.. or those very few that read my blog to know EVERYTHING about me. BUT.... this just had to be written, so I'm back.... and i'll fill you all in on my life's happenings over the past few months.

So.. I'm still on dating websites... the caliber of man that I am meeting seems to be going up and I am very excited about that.... but I need to cut to the chase... there's this guy... lets call him AD... well AD sends me a message on lavalife a while back, very cute pic, cute profile, so I write him back.. we add each other to msn, talk very briefly...

now here's the thing about msn, I don't particularly like it, its impersonal...disconnected... if like only 15% of what you communicate is the actual words... through msn you miss out on a very large portion of the communication... which always causes problems. .. so I don't really like msn to get to know guys... if you add me, we talk a few times great.. but invite me to go for coffee or something.. figure if we have any chemistry at all... and then get to know eachother....

so well guys who add me i'm sorta indifferent with them, i may talk to them, i may not, but i am certainly not going to not pick up the phone if it rings, or talk to other friends while i'm talking to a guy i don't know on msn....

this is my introduction.. you know setting the mood...

so this guy... AD .. haven't talked to him in a while, so last night I figure, why not say hi, he looks cute, put together... no harm done.. i don't know much about him, so within the first few minutes of us talking I ask him what he's looking for... he says just friends.. fair enough, great relationships can come from just friends... so then he tells me to tell him about myself... i don't know... I ask him to ask a question cause i don't know where to start... so he does... he asks me what my favorite colour is.. ok, so a little odd, and slightly on the "we are in grade two" but always given the benefit of the doubt... so i say pink... then he asks me what shade... and makes a joke about being metrosexual...

ah well, cute still a little weird.. cause I don't know.. when you are trying to get to know someone their favorite colour isn't very high on my list of priorities... maybe whether they are a picky eater.. politics, religion.. you know the big things.. cause if you aren't compatible on the big things... it probably has no foothold to begin with...

so back to colour... my phone rings.. its my cousin.. i go and talk to her... but i say to this guy i'll be right back..just to be polite...

i'm gone for 15 minutes, when i get back i realize that I really want a bath.. that's it... well i wish i had a transcript of this guys reaction to me... it was downright rediculous... basically he told me how much he hates lavalife girls, that he already deleted them all.. I was quite taken aback.... all i said was "hey AD I'm going to have a bath now, maybe we can talk again soon!" so.. he tells me how he doesn't know... cause he sees what lava girls are like... that the fact that i ditched him for a bath shows him something already... like where the fuck did that come from.. I DON'T KNOW YOU...

well if you haven't figured out that i am a little emotional and a little sensative... i am... i'm sorta surprised that i have given this impression of indifference and have offended this guy in any way..maybe he's a great guy.... maybe I shouldn't just walk away from the computer for once...

so our conversation keeps going.. i basically don't really know whats wrong.. but appologize for anything some girl must have done to him to make him so calous, jaded and pissed off at the world... i guess in the process he realizes that maybe I'm not that bad of a person....but I still feel like I'm trying to prove myself to this guy that I don't know... anyways, he finally asks me to call him so he can appologize, and "make nice"

i tell him at first that i won't cause as far as I am concerned I feel scrutinized and judged based on things that have nothing to do with me... and that's not fair... but again trying to see life from this guys angle, i realize that maybe something crappy happened to him that day.. i caught him at a bad time, he took out his frustrations on me and now he wants to appologize, so i call him...

me light humour.. but cut to the chase... expecting a normal guy on the phone I make light of the situation, expecting an appology, but tell him straight up how rude he was... god I wish I could tell you everything that was said... essentially this guy is the epitome of ADHD, manipulation and schitzo... he doesn't appologize but basically tries to explain to me that he was just annoyed at the fact that a few times i had come online,. said hi, then fucked off... fair enough, hadn't thought about it that way.. sorry...

but no appology.. i say to him, if you were so upset about that, why did you go right around and act like an asshole.. i mean an eye for an eye right? he doesn't get it...
basically everything i said he didn't listen too, he actually said some things later in the conversation taht i had already said.. and talked about them as though I didn't know (like that msn is incredibly disconnected and lacks alot of the communication) he'd ask a question.. I'd start telling him, and then all of a sudden in the middle of me talking he'd ask another random questions.... like " so where do you work?"...then i'd tell him and then before I was done he'd say so.. what did you get your degree in...

finally i had enough i asked him.. do you have a low attention span? YES.... he is ADHD.. crazy adhd....

this conversation gets better.. i can't type fast enough... ok, fair enough, people have disabilities... at one point he goes on for 5 minutes about how right now he's just looking for friends, that its hard to be friends with guys, so he prefers girls.. nothing sexual "that he has learned to control his hormones.. that he just wants to have more friends to chill with.. blah blah blah.. 5 minutes I swear to god...".. the he says "but i think you are looking for a relationship.. and well I think you are still looking for a relationship..." as though he had had a conversation with me, and I was trying to convince him taht I wasn't.... anyways, so later on I have made it very clear that I am looking for a relationship, that friends is just not where its at for me, and that being friends with a guy for no purpose of potential relationship.... when I met them off the internet is not what I want.. i have guy friends...

he basically declares that we are in a predicament cause I want somehting more and he wants something else.... fair enough... I agree.. I am at the point now where I really just don't like the guy.. think he's weird... and well really just don't want this to go anywhere.... but then he proceeds to ask me to send some pictures over.. remember.. ADHD... low attention span.. clearly doesn't rememebr what we just talked about...

i say why? I thought you just wanted to be friends.... what does it matter what I look like? apparently it does... oh there's another part to this conversation.. but I don't know how to write it to explain how crazy this guy is... anyways, I tell him naw.. its ok...that I'll think about it... blah blah blah... then he basically goes into analysing me... AGAIN... i say you know what.. I said I didn't want friends... I certainly don't want fuck friends.. and didn't you just tell me that you weren't interested in sex... that you "know how to control your hormones?" "well ya,. but you know there's nothing wrong with having someone you share an intimate connection with ... blah blah blah.. finally I said " you know what... I'm tired I need to go to sleep" his reaction "oh I see how it is" OH YES YOU DO MR. YOU ARE CRAZY.. I STAYED ON THE PHONE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TOO LONG... and now I realize that I'm losing time in my life that I will never ever get back talking to you...

so, politely i said, I'll talk to you soon, which was returned by unh hunh.... and then hung up the phone went immediately to msn and blocked and deleted him!.....

like I said.... I'm back!