where i am at... introduction to the story that was the summer.

its been 2 months since i last wrote... its like i needed to give myself space to process and just live in order to reflect.... the week of august 12 everything came to a head.... something had to give and i ended up dropping nursing school.

im feeling now like letting nursing go is as though i let go of the final lock blockonv me from full self expression....

now the only thing getting in the way of sharing my experiences is myself.
lately i have been in deep reflection and self awareness... attempting to shed light on aspects of my life that i have not understood or been waiting for an answer to .... in the end i am finally seeing the divinity in my life and it is gradually settling in as peace in my heart.
there's a line in eat pray love by elizabeth gilbert where she quotes  Virginia Wolfe and says " across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword. on one side of the sword ..she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where all is correct. But on the other side of that sword , if you're crazy enough  to cross it and and choose a life that does not follow convention, 'all is confusion' nothing follows a regular . Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of the sword may bring a far more interesting existance to a woman, but you can bet it will be more perilous.'


I read that quote 6 years ago and it resonated with me... and the deeper i go into myself...into who i am.. the more i am forced to accept that who i am... what i want is only what's offered at thr very edge of life... where all my fears and insecurities also lue .. which forces me to a place of accepting that convention, and safety comes at a price of adventure and possibility.

that my life terrifies me... but as i reflect more and more on my life i am finally seeing there is nothing to be acared of... the the unknown is very divine... if i can trust the feeling inside... soething i cant see... and accept the craziness that has forced me to a place where i am letting go of all expectation and convention forthr chance to have a life out of my wildest dreams.

my channeler told me years ago that thisblife was for me to have fun.... quitting school with 4 days left of my preconsolidation was me tellingthe universe i want more.... security isnt worth losing my heart and voice.

people ask me why i quit... there are so many reasons.. and like everything its all in the story. the story of thr summer....