So... I am having a dilemma today.. and most days for that matter.... sex... I swear if it weren't for sex I would have much better control of my life. I think about it a debilitating amount of times a day. Sometimes my skin crawls because I want it so badly, physically its a craving to be close to someone else, and to release the energy that's built up inside me.... I don't know how to let it go without having sex... and so I find myself, drinking, picking up at the bar, and havig sex with a complete stranger.... or in last nights case, trying, with no success and then finding myself walking home alone.... and waking up in the morning feeling almost crazy, because I still haven't found someone...
I don't think its normal... although I wish someone would tell me its normal, and help me figure out a way to satisfy that urge inside me....
You know what just popped into my head... is that I didn't feel this way last week when i was going to yoga.... maybe, that helps??? Maybe excercise in any form would help me atleast a little.... man I hate this feeling, its like it controls me.... I want to cry its so frustrating... the worst is sometimes when I feel this way, I do have sex, and I'm still not satisfied.... I just want more...
Sex can sometimes be soooo unsatisfying in itself. I have a really difficult time orgasming... my fantasies usually consist of being tied down or held down some how, being forced to orgasm.... I can very rarely just cum... and I hate that, because that's where the release is. and yet, its like I bottle everything up and can't get it out... all this energy is festering inside me... eating at me... making me feel soooo frustrated.
anyways.... I felt like I had to write how I was feeling today.... somewhere.. so I chose here... I know. Random.
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