sometimes you are just where you are supposed to be.. part 2

So I met this guy last week at the local bar.. he seemed really great and we talked about all sorts of things,,, in fact he even ended up inviting himself on my trip at Christmas to Indonesia... I was flattered and of course all these crazy fantasies started rolling around in my head... I said good night to him at the bar with a little butterfly in my stomach only to have him call me on my way home to thank me for a great night and great conversation and to confirm that he would see me again the next day...

I assured him he would and hung up.

the next day he wasn't where he said he would be.. and then called to apologize that he had slept in, but asked if we could meet up later... there was already plans to go to the local bar again.. so I said I'd be there.. we spent the night chatting, and although I was surprised and how ridiculously drunk he was at the end of the night he asked if I would come home with him and I said yes...

on the way home I gave him shit for being so drunk.. for running out of money etc... and when he got defensive I realized that maybe he wasn't the kind of guy that deserved to be mocked and that perhaps my busting his balls was having the opposite effect than I had intended so stopped...

I spent the night with him... then the next day... he cooked for me, played the guitar, watched movies.. it was delightful.. then at one point he confessed something about his past that sort of bothered me, but I let slide... by the end of the night I had confessed that it had bothered me, we had talked about it, so when he asked me to stay again... I said yes. oh I should tell you... I didn't sleep with him... and of course.. you know why.

When we woke up in the morning he wouldn't budge... wouldn't kiss me, wouldn't even say good bye to me... so I left, I am resolved in life these days to not pine for things that aren't given to me openly and not want things that aren't good for me... so I left without any protests.. except of course in ,my own head!

That night he called and apologized for not waking up... he ended up calling me every night all week just to check in talk for a few minutes then get off... by Thursday I was excited to see him again, so when I walked into the bar and he was trashed again I was a little disappointed.. I had spent the week debating whether or not he would be the kind of guy I would want to date and concluded that I would just live in the now and not analyze it too much...

well we hung out and after a few hours he confessed that he was worried that it had all been a mistake.. that I was a good girl and that he didn't want to hurt me... something I protested... but eventually said.. "i will tell you once that you are good enough for me and that we can try to make it work, but only once... I won't spend my time trying to convince you"

I spent the next few hours being really upset and confused over the whole thing.. telling my friends... trying to not like him.. being angry that here I thought I was deciding whether to proceed.. and he was the one cutting off any hopes for anything...

well this is where my old self got the best of me.. and despite his declaration of nothing going to happen between us, I still went home with him...

we didn't sleep together again, but still had fun.. and then ended up spending the next day together... me being embarrassed that I had complained about him the night before and here I was hanging out with him like nothing had happened.. I was worried what my friends would think of me.. not only that they would think I was ridiculous but that the person that they thought of me, this strong, independent person was a facade... and that in fact I was an impostor...

well we ended up having a lovely day... hanging out with his friends... all of us tending to do our own thing.. at the end of the night we headed downtown and the girls wanted to go to Karaoke.. so we went.. by 3am...I decided to leave because we had planned on going to this mask festival the next morning... they had all said they would come... and even though he was trashed he promised he'd wake up... I had the flashback of him not moving the previous Monday... seeing how drunk he was, I didn't expect much, but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I went home and went to sleep... in the morning.. I called.. and texted to no avail... I called and texted the other single girl that was there too... also to no avail... they were MIA.. so I went off with my friends to the festival...

Upon arriving at the festival we met this very nice guy... he seemed jovial, full of life and when we got to talking he was very interesting.. I later found out that he was the same age as me, which shocked me, but tangent... He ended up asking me if I wanted a stuffed animal as we walked through the different fair games... and seeing as no one had ever won me anything I accepted the offer.. he won me this Korean doll from the game where you have to pop balloons... we all took off and ended up in this open area... and he called his friends who were supposed to meet up with him.

Then my friends took off... I felt inclined to follow them, so I turned to go and he said.. well I have to stay here... so I guess this is good bye.. I guess it is.. and then took off. I ended up following my friends for about 30 minutes to this food gala thing.. and was bored silly.. thinking how it would be nice to get his phone number... and being bored, I realized that I didn't have to be miserable.. I could in fact go off on my own... so I did.

I informed my friends that i was going to go off on my own... with full intention of returning or meeting up with them in a short while i wanted some time to myself.. and if I ran into the guy again.. it wouldn't be so bad... while I was leaving I was thinking to myself how my girlfriends weer thinking I was on a mission to find this stranger.. and started to feel the judgements creeping in.. but never minded them and took off.. I spent about 30 minutes on y own when I ran into him and his friends again...

oh I forgot to tell you.. at one point I had been stopped by this girl who had asked me where I had gotten the doll... I told her.. and then because she looked so enthusiastic about it, I asked her if she wanted it.. and gave it to her...

So when I ran into the guy and his friends again.. the first thing he asked was where the doll was.. I had to confess that I had given it away.. he joked about it.. his friends joked about it.. and then they invited me to join them for something to eat...

After, they invited me to go see the mas dance.. the only reason I had come to the festival int he first place.. so I said yes... when we got there, there was a line up and this stranger came up to me and gave me 3 tickets for free... ahhhh KARMA!

So we went and watched the show... at one point I texted my friends.. and they said they were eating.. so I stayed...

After on our way out.. we came across this stand that was selling bubbles... and so played for 30 minutes with these little kids and bubbles.. it was soo much fun!

About 20 minutes later I ran into my friends again.. and told them about how much fun I had had.... in asking them what they had been up to I got this sense of resentment and judgement upon seeing that i was hanging out with the original guy... I was having so much fun that I decided i couldn't be bothered with their negative energy so I decided to continue my afternoon with my new friends... by the time the evening had rolled around I was thoroughly enjoying myself.. even though the guy had given me no reciprocation in being attracted to me... so when his friends invited me back to their town for the night I thought it would be fun...

At first I declined their invite because of what I thought my friends might think of me... but then when asked for a second time I decided why the fuck not!

So I tried calling my friends.. but no one responded... so I left, letting another guy that was travelling with them know that I wasn't going to come home with them...

On my way out of the city I felt that I knew I was being judged.. they were all going to think I was going off to another city with some strange guy... not that there is anything wrong with that.. and there's not much saying I wouldn't do that... I still felt judged...and embarrassed... but figured they'd get over it..

well when we got to their town I checked for when the last bus was leaving, just in case I did decide on going back home...

we ended up having a lovely dinner and when I was just about to leave they asked me to stay... promised me a good night.. so I stayed..

we ended up at this foreigners bar... and I drank and played darts and had a great time...

At the bar I met this group of Engineers from Scotland.. a great group of men... all of which were in their 40s and 50s... except for 2.. one of which was really excited to be going home the following week to see his GF and the other... a very handsome, 6'4" intriguing man.. RS... We talked for a little but then he went off with his friends...

The night turned later and me and the Scottish folk sang along with Frankie on the sound system.. it was great.... but I couldn't stop thinking about this RS guy... so as my intoxication increased.. I finally got out the nerve and confronted him...

Not sure exactly what I said.. but I lead with "well that was the longest 10 minutes in the history of the world" he asked what i meant... and then without any restraint I gave him shit for saying he'd be back and then never return:P or well return a couple hours later...

In so many well placed words I suggested that I wanted to sleep with him... but oddly enough it started off with, I'm the kind of girl guys fall in love with... they are terrified of me, because I really am what I say I am... I'm honest and kind.. and well I'm a great catch... so I'm not expecting that... just one night... no strings... would that be ok with you???" LOL... well I didn't expect any other response than the one I got.. I don't know where that whole I'm the kind of girl that men fall in love with came from.. because well we all know that no one has ever been in love with me... but I guess that's how I've changed in the past 6 months.. I realize that I really am great.. and if I am going to have a one night stand its not cause that's all I can get, but that's what I want...

He wanted to leave right away... but I asked to stay a little longer.. so we drank and hung out with his friends...

We chatted and he surprised me by giving me space to talk about my mom and opening up about some things about his family...

at about 2am we left and went back to his hotel room...
The night just got better and better.. he turned out to be this fantastic guy.. we talked and laughed and listened to music, he made me feel so comfortable... and sexy, and satisfied.. he was all about me.. and I all about it him...  he was lovely..

The next morning he had to go to work... and although I protested, the fact that even after an hour of sleep he was trying to be responsible was a crazy turn on.... I knew that that would be it for us... even though I was a little disappointed by it... I kissed him good bye... left my number "just in case" and left.

On my way home all I could think of was how perfect it had all worked out... even though I was walking into an environment where I had to explain and justify me leaving my friends I didn't regret any of it... RS showed me... like DB had that great guys do exist.. and here I was thinking about the Indonesian guy.. willing to overlook the things that severely bothered me about him ( not to mention the fact that he had basically rejected me and I was still wanting it to work) when RS walked into my life and showed me the guy that I want... the guy I eventually want to be with really does exist... and the men I am meeting just get better and better.... that he's just right around the corner...

So I guess, despite all life's crazies... sometimes you really are, just where you are supposed to be!

Sometimes you are just where you are supposed to be...

Well its been a while... and well its certainly been a while since I wrote anything about my sex life... so no, since I came to Korea I haven't been completely without... but, like I've said before I'm looking for more, so I'm trying to be a little more cautious about who I sleep with and my motivations behind it.. and I think in 6 months I can honestly say I haven't slept with anyone because i'm depressed or any other negative emotions...

I'm not sure what I've written about my life in the past 6 months... but tonight I had a friend over and she was asking about sex advice and so I was telling her.. and then I felt compelled to share this blog with her... rereading some of my experiences was fun.. I laughed and relived some of the craziness that has been my life over the past 2 years. I also realized I really liked writeng about these experiences...its also like a documentation of my life.. from a different perspective.. and so thus fel compelled to write about my most recent activities with men... if for no one else... for myself!

So, just to catch you up... when I first got here there was this guy I met through friends... he was English and the first night we met we hung out and chatted all night and he kept coaxing me to come home with him... or II guess to come home with me because he was currently staying at a friend's house... I politely said no... you wish and at 5:30am... drove away in a cab blowing a kiss...

after that we had run into each other 4 times... always with a little hint of maybe we should sleep together. Then one night we were at the bar and one of his oldest friends had come down from Seoul and was watching us together and told us how great we were together and how I was perfect for him... that he needed a girl like me in his life... well the approval of the friend is always nice... we flirted all night.. and then at the end of the night he ended up losing his keys, so I invited him back to my place...

He came back here and he made out with me... it was soooo hot and more than anything I wanted to sleep with him.. but like I've said time and time again when I like someone I don't sleep with them... so I said no... everyone cell in my body screamed at me for saying no, but I said no none-the-less.... he left the next morning...

the next time I saw him I had sort of gotten over my little concerns for waiting and by the end of the night I really just couldn't wait any longer so I asked him if I could come home with him... he seemed a little weird about it but then was like sure... we took the cab back to his house... by the time we almost had walked from where the cab had droped us off to his front door he realized he had left something really important back at the bar... so being the well trained gf that I am I took off down the street, walking as fast as I could back to the bar... him following slowly behind me...

I got back to the bar.. my feet killing me, found his lost articles... hoping of course that I would be readily thanked for my excursions off in high heels to find his lost things...

Well we walked back to his house, when we got home we hung out for a bit, ended up having an impromptu water fight laughed and teased eachother... and then got into bed.. we were making out when his friend showed up because he had taken his phone! Embarrassed, but thank god fully clothed, I helped him find his phone and got him out of the house....

well that was it with that... the following weekend we ended up running into eachother and he ended up telling me that he had been cool to me all day because he didn't want anything more than friends... What you were being stand=offish with me? hadn't noticed... lol I was pissed... I mean he had basically full out ignored me all day... barely looked at me and was now hitting on another girl that was with us... ironically a friend that had been there the first night we had met... Anyways, he then went on to tell me that that night had been a mistake...

are you kidding me?

I called him on I said.. so what about all the times before that when he had asked me to come home with him? how about all the times he had gotten sober between those times??? Did he not decide before that night that maybe he didn't want to sleep with me?? Bull shit!

Then he said I had just followed him home.. that he didn't really want me there!

Oh save me the time.. I basically looked at him dead in the eye and said "save your bullshit for someone else... I don't have time for this... grow some balls.. if you don't like me fine.. but don't lie about it or make it into something its not... AHHHH rethinking about it makes me so mad... anyways, we all ended up going off and doing separate things.. I ended up running into him again later at another bar... and he made sure to tell me he was leaving when the friend had asked to leave... cause of course I wanted to know. just incase she hadn't figured out nothing else was ever going to happen...

So that was English boy.

The next guy that something happened was an old friend of mine. I headed up to Seoul for a weekend... and we had been talking for ages... I won't write too much about him because I don't like writing too much about people I know or friends... But basically we have a very innocent history one with us having talked for 6 years about liking eachother... sometimes about sex, sometimes just about thinking eachother is hot... but he's here and I had met him in Uni and nothing had ever happened except a first kiss the first time I met him...

So he's here in Korea... this guy that I had been fantasizing about for years... and we had talked on msn a few times... we had planned on meeting up... he had said that he had really liked me but always fucks these kinds of things up... and well I didn't know at the time... but he was right!!!

So I went to Seoul, and when I called him when I got there he didn't respond to my call... I let it be and then at about 12am at this music fest I was at.. he randomly shows up... 6 years... and randomly he's there... trashed... but I had had this fantasy in my head and his drunken ass wasn't going to ruin for me... I ended up going back to his place... I'll spare you the unexcitement of the whole excursion.. but that's what it was.. unexciting...

so that was Uni boy.


So for the next 3 months there really wasn't anyone, except for one day where I met this guy... we spent a Saturday at my house watching shows and getting intoxicated.. laughing and getting to know eachother... making out... and then him leave only to have him never talk to me again... which was sooo weird...

But in July we ended up going to this awesome festival on the west coast of Korea called the mud festival.. and that's exactly what it was... a mud festival... it was the most amazing weekend of my life... topped off with a hot, sexy man.

I met him and his friends very soon after getting there.. they were all firefighters with the American airforce... I'll call him DB.. anyways, this man was super hot, super tall and there was no way I thought anything was going to happen... with anyone.. but deffinately not him... then he started hitting on me...

He invited me down to the water at one point to get cleaned off.. and I invited the rest of the boys... just before getting out of the water he asked met o stay for a moment.. and I said no... that I knew his type of guy and I was soo not interested... he said what type of guy.. and I said... you.. you're a player and I'm not interested... he assured me he wasn't.... and then said "you aren't as tough as you put off" like someone had just beatin my walls down in a second.. I had no where to hide... and well I told him that it was easier being tough than fall for someone and get hurt...

we ended up talking and kissing and he shared something really personal about himself... and by the end of the conversation I had said to him... "Even if its just going to be for a night... can I have this day and this night with you? would that be alright with you...?" He kissed me again..

we spent the afternoon together and then I lost him in the crowd...

that night... I went to dinner with girls... and then feeling a little bumbed I walked down to the beach by myself... Uni boy had said he'd be at the festival too, but hadn't called, or returned my text messages..

well I got down to the beach.. and there DB was... he threw his arms around me and kissed me and asked how I found him.. that there was 10,000 people on the beach, how could I have possibly found him? it must have been fate! We ended up spending the evening together, watching these amazing fireworks, drinking... kissing and playing soccer in this torential downpour...... it was phenomenol.

He spent the night/early morning on the floor of the hotel where the girls were... we tried to find someother place.. but to no avail.. so I shamelessly brought him back to the hotel room.

When we woke up in the morning he was gracious and kind, and kissed me.. and threw his arm around me.. it was wonderful...

We spent the morning together back down on the beach where he told me that we would deffinately see each other again... a promise I questioned.. but enjoyed hearing...  walking away from him was sooo difficult... he told me to, if we don't see eachother again, remember that I'm a great person and to not hide that from the guys I meet. I walked away without looking back...

DB and I never saw eachother again, we talked a few times... but nothing ever worked out and he left at the start of September for a new term in Europe... but that weekend was the weekend that I will have forever.. it reminded me that great guys can and do exist... it put me on cloud nine.. and its basically all I could talk about.. he made me feel beautiful, and loved more than in my only relationship... and he reminded me that I'm not crazy to think that love does exist out there...

and that sometimes its ok to have a one night stand..

So since then there really hasn't been anything.. there has been the odd encounter at the bar, but I haven't made out or slept with anyone.. until this weekend...

its 3am and I'm exhausted I'll write about the rest tomorrow.