he's different...

so.. i was hanging out with one of my best friends last night and was talking about the latest man in my ife and I caught myself saying something that has become my latest saying.. "he's different"..."I've never met a guy like him before"...

So I've been on the dating market as you know... I've let myself fall for guy after guy.. and it seems that timing just seems to continue to not be in my favor. NEVER....

First there was Mike. I liked Mike. He was 33, he was an intellect, we hung out with my best friend and her boyfriend, they got along great. He took me camping, he had this deep sexy voice... he was pretty great. Two weeks after we started seeing eachother he called me and told me that I deserve more than he was willing to offer. That he just wanted to hang out and he knew that I was looking for something a little more long term. That he was in a time in his life where he was doing soul searching.. and he didn't know what he wanted, but that he wasn't ready to get into a long term relatiosnhip yet cause he didn't know what he wanted.

I took it respectfully and told him that he was right, I wanted something more... And that there really wasn't any point to be friends cause we didn't really know even if we'd like eachother. Then we ended up getting together again, hanging out with my best friends.. having agreat time. He kissed me good-bye. I was so confused, but decided to try not analyzing it too much. We ended up getting together again a few more times .. went camping... had a really great time together. We were dating.

And then he was over one night and did the same thing to me.. he told me that he thought i was falling for him and he didn't want me to get hurt... I told him that I would probably get hurt.. but I mine as well have fun and get to know eachother in the mean time. I asked him if he liked hanging with me.. he said yes, I asked if he liked getting to know me.. he said yes... so I said.. what's the problem??? we don't know where this is going.. we can just enjoy each others company for now... Then after thinking about it I decided to write him an e-mail.. in it I just told him that it stressed me out to constantly be on edge with where our relationship was going.. that I didn't care where it was going.. so long as there wasn't a cap on where it could go... and that his analyzing it constantly was stressing me out. I told him that if he was ever ready to date me that he should call me. I've never heard back from him.

Guy number 2: This guy I met, he was irish, great guy.. a little quirky, but fun.. we hung out the first day for like 7 hours. Hit it off... and then planned on getting together the next night. He didn't show up... I convinced myself that he was too big of a pussy to tell me he didn't want to see me again... that everything he said to me was a big lie... was convinced that maybe he hadn't really even given me his real name... then found out that he had been in a really serious accident that morning and had been in the hospital. Obviously concerned... I talked to him a few times.. but when we talked it was very short. I felt like the conversation was going no where and how much work was I going to put into this considering he was a little preoccupied... BAD FUCKING TIMING...

Guy number 3: This guy I met online... we talked off and on on msn for months then finally 2 weeks ago we met...  We had alot of fun.. and he really surprised me. When he left the next morning it was pleasant and the way he was talking was like he was going to see me again... taking it with a grain of salt.. i know how one night stands are... and was pretty sure that it was just nice to talk about

We ended up talking that night... and everyday since... he calls me, he calls me very endearing pet names... he makes me smile. He is very straight and told me that he's always dated and that he wasn't ready for a relationship just yet. I'm EXTREMELY accomodating.. and let's be honest.. this guy is great... so I figured I'd get to know him.. try to be friends... and see where things would go. In the process I've grown to really like him... stupid.. stupid... But when you've been single for over a year and a half.. and someone calls you when they say they are going to.. listens to you when you are having crazy shit in your life.. and tells you whats going on in his life.. its really really refreshing...

Inside all the chaos in my life right now... he's someone that seems like he'd be a good influence, not to mention he's extremely hot.. Anyways, we never saw eachother again last week and he said he'd make it up to me this week.. well the week is coming to a close.. and when I invited him over again... before the weekend, he reiterated how he really just wants to chill with his friends... understandably so.. I don't want to impose... but yet again I'm overcome by dissapointed that I met this guy at a shitty time. That he's not ready for a relationship but really not available to even hang out once in a while... REALLY SHITTY TIMING... so we'll see... I still really like him... but i guess i'm finding that doesn't seem to change much. You can't make someone ready..

So I ended up saying to my best friend last night "this guy is different..." and then looked at her and saw what she was thinking... "I know I say it about almost every guy.... but..." who knows... I certainly hope...

I mean I don't get it. I think I'm a pretty good catch. I've never cheated... I'm super accomodating, I bounce back from things incredibly fast.. I don't hold grudges, I don't linger on things... My normal state of being is happy... what more could you want?

lol.... fuck.... when is it going to happen.. just a nice guy who wants to hang out with me as much as I do him... who wants to have sex as much as I do.. and makes me feel fantastic.