I am in northern Vancouver Island. It's day 6 of camping and I finally stayed up after midnight and the sky is finally clear and I went down to the lake and hung out with the cosmos for an hour.
I thought of all the things I wanted to share..... but I can't record myself... I can't do a tik tok. I don't want to speak out loud. I just want to write.... like the old days.
This blog. Is everything.
I imagine this is the book I want to write.... this is it in all it's rawness... in all it's spelling mistakes and randomness.... it's my life.
21 years since my mom died this week.
11 years since I quit nursing school.
11 years ago it was the same series of days. The anniversary of mums death was on a Monday. Sunday night I got stuck on the highway between bobcaygeon and peterborough, on my way home from work, and watched the sun set and the most spectacular Meteor shower of my life.
I quit nursing on Friday.
I met James 2 weeks later.
I have so much to say. I have so much to give....I wish the world could see the future I see in my mind.
I believe if everyone on Earth saw what I saw and saw a plan and path there, they would want it, they would be whatever they needed to be to make that happen...
So I went out to the beach, under the stars and took off my shoes. Grounded myself in mother earth and I tried to pour love into her, pour love into humanity...
And then all I heard in my minds eye was, Amanda let us pour love into you.
So I stood there, imagining Jesus, my mother, my ancestors, the Buddha, God, pouring love into me.
I saw 5 shooting stars.
I imagined a better world.
I prayed.
I held space for 21 years without my mother.... and the path that guided me down.
I can't put my feelings to words....
I believe in us.
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