So I started another blog as a way of telling my friends and family about my adventure in Korea, and yet I find myself confused as to what to write there. I have no idea what to tell them, those that I want to talk to, know about this blog, and love me for all my faults... so I find it almost like its a fake piece of work to just tell people about the silly nuances of the day/week.
I just feel like this has given me the outlet to just express who I am and what I am thinking in the world. So, I find myself at 2:40am writing my thoughts.... HERE.
So I am in Korea, yes, I am here. I have made it!
I promised myself that I would not leave Canada if I was running away from anything.
And, so I left Canada, incredibly happy. In fact very sad to be leaving, but thankful that i had realized what I wanted in life... at least for right now and am taking it on.
I arrived two weeks ago... the weird thing is that I am so much at peace here I really don't know even what to think. I am usually the kind of person that needs to tell everyone about everything... many of my friends, I'm sure, tend to feel overwhelmed by my ability to make things about me.. and I know that sometimes they feel like its not enough about them.... The funny thing is that I find it rather uncomfortable at times.... when I try to inquire about their lives or ask questions and they don't have much to say.... so I try to make them feel like they don't HAVE to talk, by talking about myself.... because... well I ALWAYS have something to say lol!
Well... back to what I was saying... I find it very weird that I arrived and I have barely called home.. I just don't know what to say. Yes, EVERYTHING is different... and yet... its home.
Its home because I am here... and right now I am just being in the moment.
Now.. at the same time... there is this feeling that creeps up from time to time... its a sadness that hangs just behind my breathing.. as though to remind me that my friends aren't here, but more importantly, my mother isn't alive...
Its a difficult feeling... I felt it before in Zimbabwe. Its that tinge of sadness that arises from knowing that my mother is not there to call, or ask when I am coming home.
Although I am so thankful for the freedom... not having her to verbally share my adventure with makes it seem almost redundant... its a feeling of resignation. And yet... I am incredibly happy... so you figure it out!
Anyways, I am here. And I am letting life live through me... what will happen this year, who knows... but I do know that what ever does... its going to be an adventure... and life altering.
I truly am astonished at where I am today. Considering all the crazy things that have happened in my life, and where i was, not 2 years ago.
I don't really know this woman. She is calm, and neutral, just taking things in. Its relaxing but also very strange to know that you have grown up so much and that your view on most things has changed considerably.
So that's where I am at.. a little confused.. and just living in the moment... just being.... this time though... IN KOREA BABY!
